do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon writing a letter
to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful then how I felt when we weren't speaking because I
didn't cop to what I did. I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries. i'd

I've seen them kneel
with baited breath for their rituals
I've watched this experience raise
them to pseudo higher levels
I've watched them leave their families
in pursuit of your nirvana
I've seen them coming to line up
from switzerland and america

How long will this take, Baba?
How long have we been sleeping?
Do you see me hanging onto every word you say?
How soon will I be holy?

how 'bout getting off of these antibiotics
how 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how 'bout them transparent dangling carrots
how 'bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you India
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once

are you still mad I kicked you out of bed
are you still mad I gave you ultimatums
are you still mad I compared you to all
my forty year old male friends
are you still mad I shared our problems
with everybody

are you still mad I had an emotional affair
are you still mad I tried to mold you into
who I wanted you to be
are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions
of course you are

I was afraid you'd hit me if i'd spoken up i was
afraid of your physical strength i was afraid
you'd hit me below the belt i was afraid of your
sucker punch i was afraid of your reducing me
i was afraid of your alcohol breath i was afraid
of your complete disregard for me i was afraid
of your temper i was afraid of handles being
flown off of i was afraid of holes being punched

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

you hadn't seen your father in such a long time
he died in the arms of his lover how dare he
your mother never left the house
she never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

you reminded her so much of your father
so you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive
and why you can't trust anyone but us

i'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
would I be letting you win in my non reaction
how would I explain
how would I explain this to my children if I had them
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time
would I be whining if I said I needed a hug

burn the books they've got too many names and psychosis
all this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
if someone broke into my house
suits in the living room
do you realize guys I was born in 1974
we've got someone here to explain your publishing
we know how much you love to be in front of audiences
hopeful you are
schoolbound you are
naive you are
driven you are

as we were talking outside it was cold we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
my wife is in the next room we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone
but i need to talk to somebody
you said wouldn't it be a shame if i knew how great i was five minutes before i died i'd be filled

I am the biggest hypocrite
I've been undeniably jealous
I have been loud and pretentious
I have been utterly threatened
I've gotten candy for my self-interest
the sexy treadmill capitalist
heaven forbid I be criticized
heaven forbid I be ignored

I have abused my power forgive me
you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
I've been out of reach and separatist

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
if I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come

dear matthew I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship
with someone right now and I respect
that I would like you to know that if you're ever single
in the future and you want to come visit me in california
I would be open to spending time with you and finding
out how old you were when you wrote your first song

dear jonathan I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys

you from new york you are so relevant
you reduce me to cosmic tears
luminous more so than most anyone
unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
and lump in my throat
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
supposed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you wax poetically
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance

dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic
saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
I guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because we've had this inexplicable connection since our youth and
yes they're in shock they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama

you are the original template
you are the original exemplary
how seen were actually
how revered were you (honestly) at the time
why pleased with you low maintenance
you loved us more than we could've loved you back
where was you ally your partner in feminine crime
oh mother who's your buddy
oh mother who's got your back
the heart of the house
the heart of the house
all hail the goddess!

I wouldn't have compromised so much
so much of myself for fear of
having you hating me
I would've sung so loudly
it would've cracked myself!
I became self-conscious
of anything exuberant
I wouldn't have sold myself short
I wouldn't have kept my eyes
glued to the ground
if I had've known my invisibility
would not make a difference
I would've run around screaming proudly
at the top of my voice

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot-blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you're not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepherd need shepherd
But you you're not allowed
You're uninvited

I wouldn't have compromised so much
so much of myself for fear of
having you hating me
I would've sung so loudly
it would've cracked myself!
I became self-conscious
of anything exuberant
I wouldn't have sold myself short
I wouldn't have kept my eyes
glued to the ground
if I had've known my invisibility
would not make a difference
I would've run around screaming proudly
at the top of my voice

you are the original template
you are the original exemplary
how seen were actually
how revered were you (honestly) at the time
why pleased with you low maintenance
you loved us more than we could've loved you back
where was you ally your partner in feminine crime
oh mother who's your buddy
oh mother who's got your back
the heart of the house
the heart of the house
all hail the goddess!

dear dar(lin') your mom (my friend) left a message on my machine she was frantic
saying you were talking crazy that you wanted to do away with yourself
I guess she thought i'd be a perfect resort because we've had
this inexplicable connection since our youth and yes they're in shock
they are panicked you and your chronic them and their drama

you from new york you are so relevant
you reduce me to cosmic tears
luminous more so than most anyone
unapologetically alive knot in my stomach
and lump in my throat
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance
so pure such an expression
supposed former infatuation junkie
I sink three pointers and you wax poetically
I love you when you dance when you freestyle in trance

dear matthew I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship
with someone right now and I respect
that I would like you to know that if you're ever single
in the future and you want to come visit me in california
I would be open to spending time with you and finding
out how old you were when you wrote your first song

dear jonathan I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys

if I make a lot of tinsel then people will want to
if I am hardened no fear of further abandonment
if I am famous then maybe i'll feel good in this skin
if I am cultured my words will somehow garner respect
i would throw a party still it would not come
i would bike run swim and still it would not come
i'd go travelling and still it would not come
I would starve myself and still it would not come

I am the biggest hypocrite
I've been undeniably jealous
I have been loud and pretentious
I have been utterly threatened
I've gotten candy for my self-interest
the sexy treadmill capitalist
heaven forbid I be criticized
heaven forbid I be ignored

I have abused my power forgive me
you mean we actually are all one
one one one one one one one
I've been out of reach and separatist

as we were taking outside it was cold we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
my wife is in the next room we've been having troubles you know please don't tell her or anyone
but I need to talk to somebody
you said "wouldn't it be a shame if I knew how great I was five minutes before I died i'd be filled

burn the books they've got too many names and psychosis
all this incriminating evidence would surely haunt me
if someone broke into my house
suits in the living room
do you realize guys I was born in 1974
we've got someone here to explain your publishing
we know how much you love to be in front of audiences
hopeful you are
schoolbound you are
naive you are
driven you are

i'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
would I be letting you win in my non reaction
how would I explain
how would I explain this to my children if I had them
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time
would I be whining if I said I needed a hug

you hadn't seen your father in such a long time
he died in the arms of his lover how dare he
your mother never left the house
she never married anyone else you took it upon yourself to console her

you reminded her so much of your father
so you were banished and you wonder why you're so hypersensitive
and why you can't trust anyone but us

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

I was afraid you'd hit me if i'd spoken up I was
afraid of your physical strength I was afraid
you'd hit below the belt I was afraid of your
sucker punch I was afraid of you reducing me
I was afraid of your alocohol breath I was afraid
of your complete disregard for me I was afraid
of your temper I was afraid of handles being
flown off of I was afraid of holes being punched

are you still mad I kicked you out of bed
are you still mad I gave you ultimatums
are you still mad I compared you to all
my forty year old male friends
are you still mad I shared our problems
with everybody

are you still mad I had an emotional affair
are you still mad I tried to mold you into
who I wanted you to be
are you still mad I didn't trust your intentions
of course you are

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once

i've seen them kneel
with baited breath for the ritual
i've watched this experience raise
them to pseudo higher levels
i've watched them leave their families
in pursuit of your nirvana
i've seen them coming to line up
from switzerland to america

how long will this take baba
how long have we been sleeping
do you see me hanging on to
every word you say
how soon will I be holy

do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon writing a letter
to you didn't make me feel any more peaceful then how I felt when we weren't speaking because I
didn't cop to what I did. I can't love you because we're supposed to have professional boundaries. i'd