Last summer in Italy, a festival tour, another band asked a Milanese journalist what I was like. Unbeknownst to them, within earshot of my crew. He says, "Oh you know, an angry white female." What a cop-out! What a lazy answer. Strangely, everytime I ever was around any of these press dudes I was in a very good mood. Being a ham, being comic. What gives?

Ask yourself if you're an asshole. I'm not being mean or angry. I'm simply asking a question. I guarantee YOU won't think so. Do you do enough for others? Do you give of yoursel? Are you selfless? Each day, when you wake up, do you smile and stretch and meet the day? Yeah right. You whine about your job, about your friends, about money. Do you want a new skateboard, a new car, a new life?

I am a t.v. baby it's weird when you stop and think about it. "Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!" Totally different head...nanoo nanoo. REEAAAAAAAR!! 911! I remember watching Harvey Corman the Carol Brunett show from behind the couch where my parent sat. I was supposed to be in bed. Once we were old enough to complain and whine about hind?????????

I had Cinderella complex with the boys,
and ballet class gave me some poise,
I've never ever lied to you or said anything that was untrue.
I constantly searched for one true god,
my icy gaze finally thawed.
I sit before you full of ome,
in my mouse infested home.
One morning I awoke for work,
decided my roomate was a jerk.
He wanted to rid us of rodents,
on mouse traps--money he spent.

This phallic snowboard beckons my sensuality
The silence of the snowfall is playing with my concentration
These blasted goggles hinder the shading of this god forsaken run
whipper snappers whipping by
Shredding by
Carving through my heart
They flow as if on water
Gorgeous, delicious airs
My heart stops as the cartwheels commence
I soar
My eyes close
I taste the mountain

Singing’s a fine lively hood. The only one I got. Struggled to make the rent sometimes since termination of the day job. Kinda weird my workday starts when the sky is cool and black. But I guess I should figure out a plan. What!

Pornography is healthy.
Pornography is healthy.
If you're healthy, pornography is healthy.
If you're not healthy, nothing is healthy.
If you're healthy, Pornography is healthy.
If you're not healthy, nothing is healthy.
Pornography is healthy.
PORNOGRAPHY is healthy.
Pornography IS healthy.
Pornography is HEALTHY , Pornography is healthy.
Pornography is healthy.

Second guessing count your blessings look what I've become!
Sit and wallow thank god I swallow gosh what have I done?
Baby Jane puttin' blame on every man she meets.
Stop being a victim, just delete them and I mean toute suite!
Navy sweater, yup, he'll get her ar-ti-cul-a-tion.
Wanna see where she bit me in my curriculum?
Monkey business, not even Christmas,
a fine how do you do.

I have to tell you I am obsessed with my childhood. I never pooped. I'm serious, I hated pooing, I never did it. I refused to poo as child. Mostly, I couldn't. It wasn't meat loaf, it wasn't chicken and rice, it wasn't six hot-dogs at lunch with Kraft Dinner on top, it wasn't Sloppy Joe's, it wasn't inactivity, I just never ever pooped.

No me drink, no me a-smoke
On your hate everyday I choke
No me frown, no me smile
Yes emptiness is a style
No me kick, no me scream
In these lines you read between
No me hurt, no me hate
Anger always comes too late
No me strike, no me bite
Walk on lotus if I like
No me worry, no me wonder
In the midst of stress I'm under
No me lie, no me steal
Unenlightened sex appeal

Satan shows up on TV every Sunday morning
I would have kissed her once again but I found her rather boring
To listen to his messages
Is like licking razor blades
Seems like every time I play my hand shits commn' up in spades
My clothing's nothing buy miss~matched
As you can see I broke my arm
The fucker swore to take care of me
But he only brought me harm
The blueberries on my toast

Metal Queen I've never been
Or a punker chick
Often heard but never seen and dated mostly dicks
Angry white female's a term
You should say for your mothers
I'd be sleeping the whole tour
If I had my brothers
I don't party I'm not down with bull-shit anymore
too many times I came to with the devil at my door
That great word "alternative" applied in 1989

Me and Nina were just kinda of walking around, you know?

I have recently graduated from light sleeper to insomniac, and quite frankly I find it startling. I lie there, staring at the dark ceiling, and wait. Wait for sleep to smack me square in the jaw. It is so slow in coming, like my precious lover thank god. My neurotic brain races for hours about everything possible but nothing in particular.

I'm yer peer, don't cha get it?
I'm yer peer, or else forget it
I'm yer peer, won't take my clothes off for you
You got a soundcheck well, so do I
You say you wanna party but I don't get high
You try to cop a feel--don't even try
Let me explain it to ya dude, and I don't lie
I'm not tryin g to say I'm a good two-two
Don't think I wouldn't be ready for you
But load--ont's in an hour

I have found a lack of sympathy for my chemically dependent brothers and sisters. It disturbs me, my eye-rolling attitude. I search through my studies of gods. I search for the compassion within me, and I only have it half a day a week. I try and I try and I try, having myself crossed the fucking death junk line. The forced cock, the backhand of love.

Smoke another cigarette and think about what to do.
Don't think you're gonna like to hear this
But I'm not coming home to you.
I met my love in Amsterdam
He says to say hello.
He wanted me to change all my plans
He begged me not to go.
I tried a dozen times to write you a note
And every time I called you
When you'd answer I just choked.
I sit in thei hotel room just down the street

Cursed nightmare
Beaming headlights
No help for them, no hope for them
Jumping, bouncing, black - eye giving
Not a sport
Supoort
Fuck all will assist my swollen, tender ouchy boobies?
Gig neck? No!
Gig Tits!!

You're a goddamn factory hot rod
Everything about you is premeditated
You're really loud and you're really fast
You're hung soo proud but…will ya last?
You think when they made you they broke the mold
You're like everybody else you gotta be told
I know that you'll never realize
That your unnecessary vanity is your demise
You are a goddamn factory hot rod

On the t.v. Rosanne is all upset because she has to go to some dumb party with Dan and she has absolutely nothing to wear and Dan isn't very sympathetic and I feel bad for her cuz I feel the same way about never having anything to wear when you feel like you have to look nice.

Canadians

Jim Carrey is a Canadian
K.d Lang is a Canadian
Martin Short is a Canadian
Pierre Trudeau is a Canadian
Micheal J. Fox is a Canadian
Leslie Neilson is a Canadian
Shannon Tweed is a Canadian
M.A.C Makeup is a Canadian
Linda Evangelista is a Canadian
Neil Young is a Canadian
Bryan Adams is a Canadian
Sharon Bruneau is a Canadian
Wayne Gretzkey is a Canadian

Calling all sexual predators! Calling all sexual predators! Come to Canada and rape! Come to Canada and rape! Three to fiiive, three to fiiive, three to fiive, three to fiiiive. If ya murder, and torture, and are due for the chair in yer own country, come to Canada! Come to Canada, we won't se ya back, eh?

All you ever do is complain
Some trivial event has you in agony again
Why stay so full of frustration
When all you need to do is change your situation

All you ever is whine
Don't tell it to me
You're wasting my time
How can you expect me to help?
When you cant even be bothered to help yourself

All you ever do is whimper
Change your mind theres nothing simpler

I know this is gonna sound...kinda bad, but I really have to say, and this is kinda what I believe, alcohol is the root of all evil. Don't worry, it's just my opinion. Don't get so...defensive. Don't look so..pissed off. I'm not talking about you specifically. I don't eve know you. I'm talking about my life. On my 12th birthday at Mary's house in Lexington, I had my first beer.

My life was Comedy. Quitting drinking was the easiest thing I've ever done. I have never looked back. I simply cannot understand why the hell I waited so long! Unmanageable life--what an embarrassment!

Okay, trivia question #152. Name the ballet in which the principal lead dancer, female, does 32 fuetes. I'm expecting an answer from you. I already know. The answer. To the question.

if smiling raver chubby girls with fragrant barretted blond curls won't lead you to stray...
you got the job!
if you don't mind cigarette smoke or my addiction to diet coke and sex night and day...
you got the job!
if you promise not to make me cry and never ever tell a lie when i'm on the road...
you got the job!

testing: testing: [scrape scrape scrape scrape]
hear that?
that's my lip ring.
testing: testing: one, two, buckle my shoe:
poo poo pee doo:

he phones to yak and wack wack wack, this irritating boy.
step on a crack to break his back, for he brings to me no joy.
he speaks too long i reply in tongues
he doesn't understand.
can he not see i must be free, for me he's not the man?
dissatisfied, i hear his lies and reply candidly,
"please, rock star man, change all your plans, and please stop phoning me!"

spoken word: have ya heard?
what's it all mean? what does it really mean?
what is it? what exactly is it: is
it poetry? is it prose?
what is it: rants and raves?
some people want you to be: political.
and they want you to be pissssed offff:
they don't want you to try and be: honest.
GOD FORBID you try to be funny.
so, there's nothing more i can say, except that: right now:

okay already: i'm here to tell you i'm having yet another shitty day.
i swear, sometimes my shitty days run into each other giving me a shitty weeks.
i think i'm in the middle of a shitty month... that's shitty!

my goddamn arm is totally fucked up.
i want to cut it off at the elbow.
i don't know what the fucking problem is! i mean, i'm a hygienic clean girl.

anxiety
breathless
cunt
damn
excitement
fucking
goodness
heaven
interesting
jitters
kitten
love
mine
never
open
pussy
quite
restless
stay
this
understanding
vitality
willing
xcuses
yes
zany

Wooppshhurp, shuurp,emm, shuurpemm,woopshuurp,woopshurp!weeerkk,weeuurkemmm,mmwuuuurkk, mmmmerrrrrrrrk!mmuurk, emmeh, ehhhmmm, wurrrp, wuuurpemmm, WWUUURKEM, MMRK, MIIT, um…AHHHH