The Mark, Tom, and Travis Show lyrics

Dumpweed

It's understood, I said it many ways
Too scared to run, I'm too scared to stay
I said I'd leave, I could never leave her
And if I did, you know I'd never cheat her

But this I ask, it's what I want to know
How would you feel, if I should choose to go
Another guy, you think it'd be unlikely
Another guy, you think he'd wanna fight me

She's a dove, she's a fucking nightmare

Don't Leave Me

Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
I'll be fine, it's not the first
Just like last night, but a little worse

And she said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said don't let your future be destroyed by my past
She said don't let my door hit your ass

One more chance, I'll try this time

Aliens Exist

Hey mom, there's something in the backroom
I hope it's not the creatures from above
You used to read me stories
as if my dreams were boring
we all know conspiracies are dumb

What if people knew that these were real ?
I leave my closet door open all night
I know the CIA would say what you hear is all hearsay
I wish someone would tell me what was right

Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, terd, and twat
I fucked your mom!

------------

Mark: Thank you. Thank so very, very much.

Going Away To College

Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light

Just don't forget to think about me and I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it up
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off

Don't depend on if she ever followed you or

I took her out, it was a Friday night
I wore cologne to get the feeling right
We started makin' out and she took off my pants
But then, I turned on the TV

And that's about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you're 23
And are still more amused by TV shows
What the hell is ADD, my friends say I should act my age
What's my age again?
What's my age again?

Please, mom
you ground me all the time
I know that I was right
all along

And I'm hoping
remember I'm a kid
I know not what I did
just having fun

You couldn't wait for something new
and yesterday I thought of you
it left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
it's too late, I fell through

Nothing to lose
a boy who went out when he finished all his chores
nothing to do

It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
It would be nice to have a blow job
from your mom

Untitled

I think of a while ago
We might have had it all
I was so stupid then
You needed time to grow
But now just as things change
As well my feelings do
In time things rearrange, I am so sick of chasing you
But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
You make me regret, those times i spent with you
And playing those games as I wait for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and so long.

Voyeur

And when the day ends I'm sure she feels sorrow
The lonely guy I am I wait for her to change
I've been here two days I'll sure be here tomorrow
I'd eat her all if she were on my dinner plate

(And I wish)
I'd wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck cause the shades are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to be shown
I followed her all the way home

Pathetic

I know I'm pathetic I knew when she said it
a loser a bum's what she called me when i drove her home
There's no more waiting and sure no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone

You got, you got, you got to help me out
and i'll try not to argue
no one,no one, no one likes a drop-out
mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down this is where I belong

Adam's Song

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known ?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all

I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive

Peggy Sue

I know what it's like to be alone sitting in your room
Listening to all the doubts that
Your parents have to say to you

And as your head gets all cluttered inside
Try to stay awake
Everything they say are lies
That's all the shit that you ever have to take

So hold in all your aggressions
Because your grinding your teeth on down to
The bottom of your chin

Wendy Clear

Let's take the boat out on the bay
Forget your job for just one day
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
It might be inappropriate because
Either way our band gets dropped, oh yeah
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret, why do I want what I can't get ?
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

Carousel

I never felt so alone again
I stop to think at a wishing well
My thoughts send me on a carousel

Here I am standing on my own
Not a motion from the telephone
I know not a reason why
Solitudes a reason to die

Just you wait and see
As school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone?

I guess its just another
I guess its just another

All the small things
True care, truth brings
I'll take one lift
Your ride, best trip

Always, I know
You'll be at my show
Watching, waiting
Commiserating

Say it ain't so, I will not go
Turn the lights off, carry me home
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na na na

Late night, come home
Work sucks, I know

He pauses shaving and he tells himself that he is the bomb
She has her curlers set her credit cards are paying the funds
He's not that old, I've been told a strong sexual goal
He goes out everyday she goes every way oh yeah
And they don't even care at all
She's open waiting for more
And I know he's only looking to score
And it is way to unhealthy
Often they've typically

Uh oh. Uh oh. Oh shit.
Oh fuck, I'm gonna start dancin'!

Take off your pants, dad
your penis is the biggest thing
my butt's ever had
'cause I know, it feels so good
shut your fucking face, uncle fucker!

Dammit

It's alright to tell me what you think about me
I won't try to argue or hold it against you
I know that you're leaving you must have your reasons
The season is calling your pictures are falling down

The steps that I retrace the sad look on your face
The timing and structure did you hear he fucked her
A day late a buck short I'm writing the report

So sorry it's over, So sorry it's over
There’s so much more that I wanted and
(So sorry it's over)
There’s so much more that I needed and
(So Sorry it’s over)
Time keeps moving on and on and on
Soon we’ll all be gone

Let's take some time to talk this over
You’re out of line and rarely sober
We can't depend on your excuses
Cause in the end it's fucking useless

Tom: Huh-huh, what? Heads-up! seven-up!
O.K. Everyone close their eyes and if I come by and put my finger in your butt, you're the one.

Tom: You have giant boobs and I doubt your eighteen.
Do you have a note from your mum?
I wanna meet your mum
Mark: Hey, put those thirteen year old boobs away, if I
wanted to see thirteen year old boobs I'd hang out by the
Junior High like my dad does

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone

I never conquered, rarely came
Sixteen just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive

Hey mom there's something in the backroom
I hope it's not the creatures from above
You used to read me stories
As if my dreams were boring
We all know conspiracies are dumb

What if people knew that these were real
I'd leave my closet door open all night
I know the CIA would say
What you hear is all hear say
I wish someone would tell me what was right

Up all night long

It'd be nice
To have a blowjob
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
It would be nice
To have a blow job
From your mom

I talk to you every now and then
I never felt so alone again
I stop to think at a wishing well
My thoughts send me on a carousel
Here I am, standing on my own
Not a motion towards the telephone
I know, not a reason what
Solitudes a reason to die

Just you wait and see
(Just you wait and see)
A school life is a
It is a woken dream
Aren't you feeling alone
I guess its another
I guess its another

This one goes out, to all our fans
To all the punk-rock kids, who've been into our band
You only know us, from this one song
Here's news for you, we've been around for six years long
And it hurts...
(fuck yeah!)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It's alright to tell me
What you think about me
I won't try to argue
Or hold it against you,

Please, mom
You ground me all the time
I know that I was right
All along

And I'm hoping
Remember I'm a kid
I know not what I did
Just having fun

You couldn't wait for something new
And yesterday I thought of you
It left me to think as if I couldn't walk away
It's too late, I fell through

Nothing to lose
A boy who went out when he finished all his chores
Nothing to do

Don't leave me, all alone
Just drop me, off at home
I'll be fine, it's not the first
Just like last time, but a little worse, and

She said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said, "don't let your future be destroyed by my past."
She said, "Don't let my door hit your ass."
(fuck yeah!)

It's understood, I said it many ways
Too scared to run, I'm too scared to stay
I said I'd leave, but I could never leave her
If I did, you know I'd never cheat her

But this I ask, It's what I want to know
How would you feel, If I should choose to go
Another guy, you think it'd be unlikely
Another guy, you think he'd want to fight me

She's a dove, She's a fuckin' nightmare

Mark: Hey, can you help out that little girl over there?
Shes like not having so much fun right now... Hey!
Tom: Uh, excuse me, Security Guard Sir.
Mark: The one right in front of you, yeah.
Tom: That girl right there needs to come out...
If youre a small person the front is not the best view
and if you hate shitty bands any of this is not a good view,

Mark: Hey
This next song is for all da ladys in the heeeaaauuusss....
Hee hee its for all the ladys in da
Tom: Mark
Mark: Heeeaaauuusss....
Tom: Mark
Mark: What?
Tom: Shut the fuck up!
Mark: It's for all the ladys in da heeeauusssiiiiiiseeeeeaus...

Mark: They love you Tom!
Tom: They love me so fuck everybody else!
Mark: Yeah, fuck all you guys out there cheering we hate you Tom,
you suck dick, burn in hell
Tom: Fuck that! I say fuck the 'Hating Tom' thing, that's what I
say are we ready Mark?
Mark: You know what it is?
A lot of these people are just jumping on the 'We Hate Tom
Band Wagon'
I been hating Tom since 1995,

Tom: That is the ugliest butt, I have ever seen...
LETS HEAR IT FOR NOT WIPING!
And this guy Fuck wiping, dude haha, it brings down the rainforest.
Okay, this is a song I wrote...
Mark: This guy has a science fair project up his ass.

Mark: I wanna hear everyone scream
'fuck you Tom, we fucking hate you,
you gunna burn in hell and die a horrible firery death
cause we think you're a stupid piece of shit!'
Tom: I heard that
Mark: Thanks

Mark: Weeeeee!
Hey, you know what, hang on I wanna make this like a big
Tom: *Burp*
'Scuse me
Mark: 'Scuse Tom
Tom: Sorry
Mark: I wanna make this like a big Golf Tournament
everyone shut up everybody just clap like its a Golf
Tournament
Tom: Thats what it sounds like when I get done having sex,
fifteen thousand people cheering me on I could take all you in
my bed right fucking now!

Tom: Hey I gotta go pee pee
Mark: You wanna go pee and I'll talk top the kids for a second
Tom: You think you can talk for enough time
Mark: No uh uh
Tom: Why dont you gather your thoughts...
Mark: why dont you just wet your pants and we'll call it even
Tom: Should I just piss in my pants right here
if you guys all each pitch in a dollar each I'll piss my pants

Tom: Apparrently there's a kid thats hurt right now, I think
they're helping him out, right now it looks like they're right
there
Mark: Make a hole people, make a hole
Tom: All you people over there make way for the hurt kid...
and bring me their wallet

Tom: I know a guy...
He has sex with his sister...
He used his dick to pop her...
Four foot blister and I know its not that cool...
He fucked her in my swimming pool...
Hes got three testicles and he...
He loves to do .. uhh do shit!

FUCK YEAAAAH!!!

Tom: Whats up?
I like your hair, it's very nice
Mark: Oh cool, you like his hair he probably apriciates that
Tom: Well I wanted to say I liked your butt but I thought that
was too forward

Tom: I still have to go pee and I'm holding it in still,
I'll piss my pants though for money.
I'll eat a nugget of my own poop for 2

Mark: I wish now, you know let me tell you guys something
Tom: Im gay!
Mark: Theres hahaha, theres thousands and thousands of people here
today, theres like semis, and fuckin buses and multiple bands
and all kinds of shit, I wish now I wouldve taken bass lessons,
Tom: So do I, I wish he did too.
Mark: Im sorry, Im sorry. Im thinking for Christmas next year Im going
to ask for lessons.

Tom: Oh God... You know what, I'm kind of ashamed of
being myself today...
and yesterday and the day before that.
Not really proud of who I am or how I look.
Everyone has to have one of those days where you like,
you don't even really like what you're wearing... ya know.
You'll only like how your hair looks and you're kinda bummed
about how your penis is so small and bent and weird.

Tom: I think Satan has a couple comments.

Satan: Well kids, it's been a really fun show.
And I want you all to know we will come back soon.
But before I go I wanna say, I think Tom is extremely good-looking
And all the girls out there should think hes good looking.
Tom has one of the best butts that I've ever seen.
Shimmy-shimmy-co-co-bop-shimmy-smimmy right.
Shimmy shimmy co-co-bop.

Tom: Marks middle name is ... uh... Rebecca.
Mark: THATS RIGHT! My middle name is Rebecca,
because my dad wanted a girl...
he treats me like one.

He pauses shaving and he tells himself that he is the bomb
She has her curlers set, her credit cards are paying the funds
He's not that old, I've been told, a strong sexual goal
They go out every day
She goes every way, oh yeah!
And they don't even care at all

She's open waiting for more
And I know he's only looking to score
And it's way too unhealthy
Often they've typically

Tom: We need her to put her shirt back on
Mark: Please
Tom: It just took away my boner
My boner just died
I had one and now its gone
Mark: Please, I saw your boobs and my weiner ran away

I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it
A loser, a bum's what she called me when I drove her home
There's no more waiting and sure no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone

You got, you got, you got to help me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong

I know what it's like to be alone sitting in your room
Listening to all the doubts that your parents have to say to you

And as your head gets all cluttered inside
Try to stay awake
Everything they say are lies
That's all the shit that you ever have to take

So hold in all your aggresions
Because your grinding your teeth on down to
The bottom of your chin

It's not easy or so damn pleasing

Tom: Just like every other bad we believe in a safe form of
sex, don't we Mark... That we do so Mark's gonna tell you about
how safe we are
Mark: Let me tell you bout the safest form of sex,
it's when you get super drunk and have sex with like ten
people totally unprotected and you do intervenus drugs at the
same time. No its not true
Tom: It's not true you gotta carry a weapon

Tom: Bad kids!
Mark: Bad Christmas spirit!
Tom: Bad Christmas spirit!!
Mark: Hey, okay, I need light now.
Tom: We're gonna point out every single person that didn't sing.
Mark: Santa Claus is gonna come to your house
and shit under all your trees!
Tom: Santa Claus is gonna come rape your dogs!

Tom: Oh shit, hey lets all say some dirty words, everyone
say 'Fuck'
"Fuck!"
everyone say 'Shit'
"Shit!"
everyone say 'Dick'
"Dick!"
everyone say 'Marks an asshole'
"Marks an asshole"
Mark: Everyone say... everyone say 'We hate Mark'
"We hate mark"
Mark: Yeah
Tom: Now every one try this one... 'Fuck fuck shit fuck'
"Fuck fuck shit fuck"

Tom: You wanna give me your shirt?... this smells like blood
and feces... dinnertime!!
okay what does this say here...?
Mark: It smells like blood and feces so its your dad's shirt?

Mark: Hey hey hey everyone just hang on I seriously need
your attention for just a second please I think... somebody
lost a contact down here so everyone look around, a contact
lense... so could you
Tom: I lost my my virginity
Mark: Keep an eye out for it
Tom: I lost a testicle... Hey what if testicles were things you
could lose on an everyday basis that would suck.. You only
got three

Tom: I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna start... I'm gonna
start a Theraputic Massage Centre only for... for...
Mark: I'm gonna start my own nudist colony!
Tom: That would be gross
You tried that in our bus one time
Mark: I tried to start a Nudist Colony in our bus one time and
it was basically just me hanging out naked

Uh-oh...
Oooh Shit...
Ahh Fuck I'm gonna start dancin'

Take off your pants Dad
Your penis is the biggest thing
My Butt's ever had
Cuz I know....It Feels so goood

Shut Your Fucking face uncle Fucker.

Tom: How many of you guys have girlfriends?
and how many of your girlfriends have guyfriends??
I hope your not having sex
Mark: And more importantly how many of your girlfriends
have girlfriends?
Tom: Because we believe in the love that exist between to
vagina's
Mark: The most special kind of love of all is the love that
exists between two naked women... while I watch!

I think of awhile ago
We might have had it all
I was so stupid then
You needed time to grow

But now just as things change
As well my feelings do
In time things rearrange
I am so sick of chasing you

But what do I get 'cause I just seem to lose
You make me regret those times I spent with you
And playing those games as I wait for your call
And now I give up, so goodbye and so long

And when the day ends I'm sure she feels sorrow
The lonely guy I am I wait for her to change
I've been here two days, I'll sure be here tomorrow
I'd eat her all if she were on my dinner plate

(And I wish)
I wish she'd be more kind now
I'm out of luck 'cause the shades are pulled down
I've seen everything there is to be shown
I followed her all the way home

Tom: What do we do know? I need a new guitar.
Mark: We need a new guitar... we need a new guitarist...haha..
Anyone out there know how to play guitar?
Tom: Does anybody know how to play guitar, because I'm not very good...
People don't really respect me...

Let's take the boat out on the bay
Forget your job for just one day
I wish it didn't have to be so bad
It might be inappropriate because
Either way our band gets dropped, oh yeah
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

But I'd play with fire to break the ice
And I'd play with a nuclear device
Is it something I'll regret?
Why do I want what I can't get?
I wish it didn't have to be so bad

Tom: You know what I learnt in fifth grade?
Mark: Was it that your dad has a bend weiner?
Tom: No my dad's weiner was bigger than mine then and
Mark and Tom: Still is

Mark: You shave your ass!
Tom: You have hair on nothing but your balls!
Mark has no hair on his whole body,
but a fucken wolverine growing in his pants, I swear to God.
It's got teeth and shit.
Mark: It's true.
Tom: He's got a scary looking penis.
Mark: True. I need your tax deductible donations for the
'Shave Mark Balls Program' please.
Tom: It's for charity, kids.