Australian Idol lyrics

I was having a bad week I crashed the car and the cat carked it
Weighed myself outside Woolies and Id put on 4 kilos

Arranged to meet an old friend for coffee
I poured my heart out told her all about
Poor dead fluffy, and the bloody car, and did she think I should go on a diet?

She studied my face, trying to frame the words to say
Just the right blend of sympathy and advice
She took a big breath. And looked into my eyes and she said:

You should go on Australian Idol!
Even if you dont win, youll have a great time.
Dont worry that you dont look like a supermodel
Theyre even letting fatties on there now so you should be fine.

I said Thanks, I feel a lot better now
Then I erased her number from my phone
I didnt know how much wed grown apart.

The very next day was my birthday.
No one called, except my grandma
And she was drunk, she just needed a lift home from the pub

Then that Sunday night, I went to dinner with my rellies
They said Happy Birthday! Do you mind if we put the tv on?
Its nearly the final of Australian Idol and

You should go on Australian Idol
Youre much prettier than her she looks like a pudding
Youll win it no worries love said my uncle
And I just turned and looked at him like he was something that I stood in.

And dont get me wrong if I turn on the tv and its on
I cant stop watching. Even with the ads
Even with those two dickheads blabbing on between songs
I love to see their spirits crushed, their egos shattered
I love the ones that really suck in the first auditions
I love to watch them sob, their dreams in tatters
And I laugh while I eat my dinner
Theyre crying in their 5-star hotel, and Im cackling on my cack-brown couch
And its not that I am jealous, Im not jealous, Im not jealous.
The next Sunday, I had a pretty bad hangover

Feeling pretty grumpy
Sitting on the couch, eating Pringles feeling sorry for myself.
I flipped to Channel 1