And it's not fair-why do I have to be so
Oh I feel everything much more-
much more than you ever will
and it's too hard when I can't even catch your eye
so I can't send you messages
and at night I dream of reasons that I can't let you go
but I don't know if it's time to crack through your walls so thick that I can't see past you
and last summer wasn't enough for me

Don't leave yet
it's still early and I haven't even said a word
and I'm hoping that I might upset you by saying what I want to
'cause it's not like you don't know I've fallen for you
but it's in my head and that's where you can't see it
and I thought that maybe if I had to bite the tips of my fingers
I could stumble over words
and tell you just how far before I hit the ground

I said, "that boy's handsome"
and a little bit of me wanted to be beautiful-
Carrie said, "It's hard to look in the mirror these days
when everyone has everything you'd rather be."
There's just something about his smile He looks so nice,
I wish I had friends like that
They'd always be there for me, I wouldn't look bad
They wouldn't talk behind my back.

So now I've made the decision
to walk behind you in the dark for the rest of my life
and I'll never show my face again
because it's too scarred and bloody to be enough
and I don't have the right stuff-
all I have are the empty boxes to carry away your heart
and I think that tonight I will sneak into your house
and I'll sing songs and wake you up

Three years and now I feel like completeness has set in
'cause it's something to keep time with time
and I know it's not true that I can't keep on like this
'cause I know I feel right and I don't think I miss a thing
and I remember when I heard that song sing,
"if the world doesn't understand then the world has to learn"
and maybe that's true but not everyone has to-

Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k. for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.

So I said, "lets forget these days and just try to build some solid ground.
Maybe someday we could stand straight up with our faces in the wind
and scream to the world."
We were at some boating dock oh somewhere
at the waterfront staring out across the channel-
a steamer blared its horn
and I wished I could say everything right like do you want to go for a ride

And I grew up
on alcoholic evenings and slow jazz music to keep my heart beating
because after all that happens in a dissolving family
the need for a song to sing me to sleep still rings true
and I always knew that there wasn't glue strong enough
to sew these roots together
and now that I've wasted too many years
and I've lost track of where I started

I never thought I could watch someone come apart
from the insides to outsides
but every day I see strings fall loose
and every day I see hope lost-
with all this complicated I can't even get pass the thought of thinking
and wondering whether help or understanding rings truer
and I don't know how to do anything anymore for you

Ever think we should try to re-establish
that connection that we made during last summer's days
Maybe I should be subtle or maybe I should be more pure
but I think we should talk about what we were going through
and I wonder what it would be like if we had
kept up that aversion and maybe kept listing
all the people that we hated

Remember that last Friday before we left for Mexico
we kissed and nothing seemed to matter like Billie Holiday might sing
and it rained and everything was going to be just fine-
it was like music-
and it makes me sad to know I had gotten into something
that I could not deal with
and I will sit in my room and sleep all day
and think up dreams like I am the cutest kid in school

Every day seems the same to me
I sit around and think about how alone I feel
then I wind up rather enjoying loneliness because it's the comfort of being sad-
sometimes it feels so right
and sometimes I'd like to be around no one for ten straight years
but I know this feeling can't bring me places
and I know I'm losing lots of ground

I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out
and I told you I was nervous and feeling lonely
but I bit my lip and you said yes
and I thought of how beautiful the night would be
and I thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town
or we could just stay at home and I could win over acting cool
just like real romance.

Tonight I'll stay awake long enough to stop breathing
and I wonder how long it will take before I pass out drunk off night skies
and lying on hills with wet grass below and blue black above-
I will carry all the weights tonight
'cause I keep remembering the day that you said you might go crazy
if you spent one more minute with me and I just don't know-