Bad Hair Day lyrics

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,

Listen to the Muzak
Hearin' people scream
Sittin' in the waiting room
Readin' crappy magazines
With a toothache
This is it, pal
Root Canal

My molars are impacted
I'm gettin' gum disease
I'm gonna need some fillings
Got twelve cavities
Can you help me
Have mercy
Doctor, please

My teeth are a fright
Got a huge overbite
Numb me, drill me
Floss me, bill me

You jab at my nerve endings

'Loser' by Beck
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me
Soy un perdidor
I'm a loser, baby
So why don't you kill me

Hey!

'Sex Type Thing' by Stone Temple Pilots
I am I am I am
I said I wanna get next to you
I said I'm gonna get close to you
You wouldn't want me have to hurt you, too
Hurt you, too
I know what's on my mind
I know you like what's on my mind

Gump sat alone on a bench in the park
My name is Forrest, he'd casually remark
Waitin' for the bus with his hands in his pockets
He just kept sayin' life is like a box of chocolates

He's Gump, He's Gump
What's in his head
He's Gump, He's Gump, He's Gump
Is he in-bred

Gump was a big celebrity
He told JFK that he really had to pee
He never feels too dumb because

My whole family
Loves Three's Company
See the reruns constantly
There on my TV

Syndicated Incorporated

Well, I know what's on the tube
I know just what too see
Got my TV Guide with me

MASH and All In The Family
The Munsters and Mayberry R.F.D.
I will always be busy
Watching my TV

Oprah Winfrey talks to me
Every day at three
Then soon it'll be
Wheel and Jeopardy

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening
And you're stuck inside the house all alone
That's when you decide it might be fun to harrass someone
Dial a random number up on your telephone
You ask if their refrigerator is running
Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it
Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from
They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet

Hit my snooze alarm for the twenty seventh time
Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm
Gonna hack and cough and wheeze
Swear I got some strange disease
What's that little twerp gonna say
Hey

I'm callin' in sick today
Callin' in sick today

I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp
I could spend all day in my underwear wathing Ernest Goes To Camp

Since you've been gone
Well, I feel like I've been chewing on tinfoil
Since you've been gone
It's like I got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
Oh well, I'm feelin' like I stuck my hand
Inside a blender and turned it on
You know, I've been in a buttload of pain
Since you've been gone

(Since you've been gone)
I couldn't feel any worse if you dropped
A two-ton bowling ball on my toes

You tell a joke and forget the punchline
Why you always wastin' my time
Hey baby, trust me, you just disgust me
You hair's a mess and your make-up's crusty
I don't know too many females
Who make a habit of biting their toenails
Wo, every time you call, you drive me up the wall
Honey, just the sight of you makes my flesh crawl
I'm sure we'd be happy together
If onle one thing weren't true

Say, do you remember that guy Larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he took my pants off and he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight 'till dawn
What a crazy kid Larry was, always foolin' around

Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone

I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane
with a rabid wolverine in my underwear
when suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat
popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes
I guessed is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Luis
is it Bob or Joe or Walter
Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve
I probably would of kept on guessing