Poodle Hat lyrics

Look
If you had
One shot
To sit on your lazy butt
And watch all the TV you ever wanted
Until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
Or just let it slip?
Yo

Remote is ready
Eyes wide, palms are sweaty
There's Flintstones on the TV already
Wilma 'n' Betty
No virgin to channel surfin'
And I'm HD-ready
So I flip
Garbage is all I'm getting

There's Simon Cowell

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down) not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news
He said, "Hey! You know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolds and screws"

S'rotten...so rotten here
So rotten

It was like the last day before trash day
my place was gettin kinda nasty
even though the garbage i knew would wreak, ya know
thought that i could leave it for one more week
then um im takin birthday cake and..oh chili and greasy old bacon,
throw it all on top of the mess i been makin
wife so mad she starts to shakin

Finger food and an ice cold keg,
They won't cost you an arm and a leg!
Dance all night to a rotten band.
Come on people, let's give 'em a hand!

Saturday night, it's the place to be,
Everyone cut footloose with me!
It's a party at the leper colony.
There's a party at the leper colony!

Hey!

Met a little lady, so pretty and young.
She was quite a talker 'til the cat got her tongue!

Cut my life into pieces
This is my last resort
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a %$@& if I cut my arm bleeding
This is my last resort

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's all right, nothing is fine
I'm running and a-crying

Wake up (Wake up)

I don't have a library card
But do you mind if I check you out?
I like your skeletal structure, baby
You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

Girl, you smell like Fritos
That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
You're so hot, you're gonna melt
The elastic in my underwear

Uh huh ... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh ... save a piece for me

Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
Nineteen extra larges
What a shame
No one came

Just us eatin' all alone
You said, Take the pizza home
No sense lettin' all this go to waste
So then I faced

Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care

I was watching my TV one night
when they broke in with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death,
Even more were buried alive
on the Richter scale it measured 8.2
And I said, "God, please answer me one question,...
Why'd they have to interrupt "The Simpsons" just for this?"
What a drag, 'cause I was taping it and everything

Poor Peter Parker was pitiful
Couldn't have been any shyer
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him
Even if his hair was on fire
But then one day he went to that science lab
That mutated spider came down
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls
And he's swingin' all over town
La li la, li de da
La la, li le la da dom

Sling us a web you're the spider-man
Sling us a web tonight

I, man, am regal, a German am I
Never odd or even if I had a hi-fi
Madam, I'm Adam, too hot to hoot
No lemons, no melon, too bad I hid a boot
Lisa Bonet ate no basil, Warsaw was raw
Was it a car or a cat I saw?

Rise to vote, sir, do geese see god?
Do nine men interpret?, Nine men, I nod
Rats live on no evil star, Won't lovers revolt now?
Race fast safe car

Yeah
A used...pink bathrobe
A rare...mint snow globe
A Smurf...TV tray
I bought on eBay

My house...is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay

Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)
They had it on eBay

I'll buy...your knick-knack

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box
Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks
I barely even know how to put on my own pants
But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France, genius in France

Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka laka
Hoom chaka

I may not be the sharpest hunk of cheese
I got a negative number on my SATs
I'm not good looking and I don't know how to dance

It was just the other day
When we to Joe's Cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat.
But we noticed something wrong.
All the Worcestershire was gone.
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat.

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation.
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation.
But she warned us it's made out of prunes.
"Try a little if you dare.

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming

After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing

So one night when my family the I were gathered 'round the dinner table

I said, "Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now

Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"

I'd like to do some more songs about buildings and food

This is a song about liver, very high in protein, very good for ya

Hope you like it

I don't know why

You feed me so bad

Think of all the health food

I could've had

You took-a my yogurt

And my whole wheat bread

You give me Ding Dongs

And Twinkies instead

I wanna know

Can you tell me

When is it going to end

Someday I'm gonna pack up

And then I'm goin' back up

To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean

That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)

To that good old SLO town

Where time shifts into neutral

And idles away

Take me down (take me down)

To that good old SLO town

I'm never satisfied with three meals a day

While the world is sleeping I'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light

Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you

It don't matter if you snack all night

A million chicken bones are under my bed

A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head

Jelly doughnuts to the left of me

R: Hey Lucy, I'm home

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You're so fine you blow my mind
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: You're so fine you blow my mind
R: Hey Lucy, hey Lucy

L: Oh Ricky, you're so fine
L: You play your bongos all the time
L: Hey Ricky, hey Ricky

R: Oh Lucy, you're so fine
R: How I love tyo hear you whine
R: Hey Lucy

L: Hey Ricky

All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
{Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss}
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss

{Living with a hernia}
All the time, such aggravation
{Living with a hernia}
Gonna be my ruination
{Living with a hernia}
Got to have an operation

Feel so old

Everywhere, I see them there

I stop and stare at patterns

I don't care, I must declare

I've got a flair for patterns

On my hair, the clothes I wear

My savoir faire is patterns

All I see is patterns

The patterns that repeat

Let's go into the bathroom

I know we're in a room where you would not expect much math

Usually you're in here for a shower or a bath

(one, two, thray, four)

(one, two [nasal hocking sound])

I used to be a pinball freak

That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's Pacman

Yeah it's the Pacman

I love to gobble up those dots

Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots

They call it Pacman

Yeah it's the Pacman

At the game arcade, they say I'm hard core

I can play all day 'til my hands are sore

Oh, I've really got those ozone layer blues

From my elbow down to my shoes

So let's throw another fire on the logs

Now we can go downtown and fill the latrine
With genuine Columbian lima beans

Dynastic and elastic, it's all made out of plastic

There's nobody here but us frogs

I'd like to find a girl who really cares

About the size of my nasal hairs

Ooh, my little hungry one, hungry one
Open up a package of my bologna
Ooh, I think the toast is done, the toast is done
Top it with a little of my bologna

Never gonna stop, eat it up
Such a tasty snack I always eat too much, then throw up
But I'll soon be back for my, my, my, yi, yi, woo
M-m-m-my bologna

Spreadin' on the mustard now, show me how
Spread it on a litle of this bologna

I visit Mr. Frump in the hospital
I see him most every day
And when I see Mr. Frump in his iron lung
This is what I hear him say

(deep breathing)

Y'know, Mr. Frump is my very best friend
He's never a chump or a tease
He never tells me lies, and best of all
He never disagrees

I bring him candy and flowers every afternoon
Sit down by his side and say "Hi"

Some bread, you can get bargain-priced

And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice
But you know it will go stale again

Always does, its just a question of when

I've lived long enough to have learned

The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned

But that can't happen to us

Because it's always been a matter of crust

Wearin' old T-shirts and grubby jeans

People say I look kinda odd

Well, I'm never accepted in the social set

'Cause they say that I'm a clod

But once in a while, I go to my closet

And I put on something mod

And when I step out in my leisure suit

People stand up and applaud

Leisure suit serenade

Slip one on and you got it made

You gotta keep 'em separated

You like the latest fashions

You'd like to keep 'em clean
You take a trip every week to the laundromat

Throw a load in the washing machine

But if you don't wanna ruin your clothes

You gotta sort 'em out first as everyone knows

Remember bright colors and the others don't mix

Before you wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up, wash'em up

Hey

What's the matter with the songs he's singin'

Can't you tell that they're pretty lame

After listenin' to a couple albums

Well, they all start to sound the same

So he tried to change his musical style

He tossed all his ballads in the circular file

Then he found the punk sound

Breakin' ground all around

It's still Billy Joel to me

What's the matter with the tune he's writin'

If I could make love to a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
I'd search the world over to find one
that had the exact same circumference as you

I hear those ice cream bells and I start to drool
Keep a couple quarts in my locker at school
Yah, but chocolate's gettin' old
Vanilla just leaves me cold

There's just one flavor good enough for me, yah me
Don't gimme no crummy taste spoon
I know what I need

Baby, I love rocky road
So weren't you gonna buy half a gallon, baby
I love rocky road
So have another triple scoop with me, ow

When I wAs A little boy,
(When I wAs just A boy)
And my mother would cAll my nAme,
(When I wAs just A boy)
She'd sAy I hAd to be in the house by 7.
(When I wAs just A boy)
But I'd stAy out lAte At night,
(When I wAs just A boy)
And when I'd finAlly get bAck in,
Oh, I know she'd hit me, she'd hit me,
She'd sit me on her knees And whip me.

Oh, she'd hit me with A rock.

Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

(*whip* sound) Ahh

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it

Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Happy birthday to you

Well, it's time to celebrate your birthday, it happens every year
We'll eat a lot of broccoli and drink a lot of beer
You should be good and happy that there's something you can eat
A million npeople every day are starving in the street

Your daddy's in the gutter with the wretched and the poor

I do not like green eggs eggs and ham
I do not like them, Sam, I am
I would not like them here or there
I would not like them anywhere
I could not would not on a boat
I will not will not with a goat
I will not eat them in the rain
I will not eat them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I do not like them with a fox
I will not eat them in a house

Parody of Crazy On You by Heart.

Well, I think you're obnoxious
And I think that you stink
I think you're a moron
A slob, and a fink
You're one of the biggest turkeys I know
And that is the reason I'm going to

Throw gravy on you
And throw gravy on you
And throw gravy, gravy on you-ou-ou-ou-ou

Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off

Well, I went out to a party just the other night
I was jammin' to the music, I was feelin' alright
I was burning up the floor like a disco maniac

Gee, I'm a nerd
Seen Star Trek eighty times
Memorized each word
Home alone
On Friday night
But I've got eight gigabytes
Left on my hard drive
I'm hooked as I can get
Into the internet
Maybe you'd like to see my web page
I love my new PC
It means the world to me
So many things to download
Gee, I'm a nerd
All the jocks and muscleheads
flip me the bird
'cause I'm a nerd
Gee, I'm a...

Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call

Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all

Near, far, I'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and I'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on

Deep dish, whatever you wish

Oy
Oy

Down on the street they got bagels
And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox
Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst
Not in the mood for Jack-In-The-Box

Oy vey

We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue
Kielbasa and chopped liver
We gonna schlepp on through to Flatbush Avenue
Or maybe they'll deliver

Fatter, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Shake 'n Bake, fatter
Fatter

Corndogs, pizza, Coca Cola
Yogurt, butterscotch, granola
Look at me, I'm fatter
I'm fatter, I'm fatter

Friends all gather 'round me
My enemies surround me
Yelling "Fatso, fatso, fatso"
I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on Seventh Avenue
That's right, I'm fatter

How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way

Thank you Burger King
Thank you Dairy Queen
Thank you, thank you KFC

Thank you Pizza Hut
Thank you Taco Bell
Thank you so much Wendy's

How come you're always such a fussy young man?
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raison Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it

Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Don't you tell me you're full

One, two, a-one, two, three, four

Well I, can't go to the park
I can't go to work
I can't do nothin'
I gotta stay in my house like a jerk

How come I always lose
My car has blown a fuse
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues

You know, can't visit my girlfriend
I can't go to school
I can't go anywhere
Gotta stay in my room like a fool

Well, woke up this morningWith a Big Mac in my handWhat fries, whose friesWhere's my Hot Apple PiesMust be a jokeI can't believe there's no CokeThank you, thank you, thank you

It's Christmas at ground zero.
There's music in the air.
The slay bells are ringing,
And the carolers are singing,
While the air raid sirens blair.

It's Christmas at ground zero.
The button has been pressed.
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test.

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'.
It's the end of all humanity.
No more time for last minutes shoppin'.

When we were young, Bernie's Deli was down the block

(Ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate

(You know he did, you know he did, you know he did)

But if there's one thing in this world that I like better

Than a corned beef on rye

It's Chicken Pot Pie

Chicken Pot Pie

[chorus of chicken-cluck imitations]

Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios
Did you know Froot Loops fit in your nose
I may be just a simple guy
But just the thought of Corn Flakes makes me high

Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, Cheerios
Makes me want to take off all my clothes
I love them dearly, and that's how it goes
Cheerios, Apple Jacks, Cheerios

Now, you won't find me braggin'
'Bout my big green station wagon
Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws I'm breakin'
Everybody knows that I wouldn't dare
Match my wits with a red Corvair
And just the thought of a Pinto leaves me shakin'

Now, I don't think that I could hack
Drivin' a big white Cadillac
With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills
No, I don't think that I could bear

You know my baby likes burping
You know my baby's kinda nauseating

[burps]

My little vulgar one is so gross
'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes

[burps]
And out in public it's embarrassing
She'll burp at anyone or anything
She's so revolting and disgusting
And repulsive to me, yeah

My little lady's so obnoxious
Today she walked onto a Greyhound bus goin'

Potato skins, potato cakes
Hash browns, and instant flakes
Baked or boiled or french fried
There's no kind you haven't tried

You planned a trip to Idaho
Just to watch potatoes grow
I understand how you must feel
I can't deny they've got appeal

Whoah
You like them whether they are plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah
Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough

This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long
This song is just six words long

Couldn't think of any lyrics
No I never wrote the lyrics
So I'll just sing any old lyrics
That come to mind, child

You really need words
Whole lotta rhyming words
You gotta rhyme so many words, mm-mm
To do it, to do it, to do it, to do it

(Weird Al Yankovic)

Look,if had,one shot,to sit on ur lazy butts,and watch all the tv u wanted,
untill ur brain turned to mush,would go for it...or just let it slip

Yo......

The molds is ready,eyes wide,palms are sweaty
the Flintstones on the T.V. already,Wilmer and Betty
No Vergins,The Channell Surfer,and im H.D ready,
So I flip,garbage is all im gettin,the simon caill,

Uh huh, extra cheese.

Uh huh, uh huh, save a piece for me.

Pizza party at your house,

I went just to check it out.
19 extra larges,

What a shame, no one came.

Just us, eatin' all alone,

You said take the pizza home.

No sense lettin' all this go to waste,

So then I faced

Pizza all day, and everyday, there's cheese round the clock,

Had ourselves a little barbeque

Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too

Joe got the Fritos, Ernie got the stew
So what did you bring

We got the beef

We got the beef

We got the beef

Yeah, we got it

(We got the beef)

Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef)

Grab a hunk of ??? beef (we got the beef)

Chuck daddy (we got the beef)

Now, ground round by the pound

You did a really rotten thing
And let Scout take all the blame
You wrecked his reputation
And left that poor boy in shame
Yeah, but now I think it's time
To show who really did the crime
Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, lyin', worthless hunk of slime

Kent Marlow, you're a dirty, cheatin'
Lyin', no good, lousy, stinkin'
Back stabbin', scum suckin', worthless hunk of slime

Sometimes you feel like a nut
Sometimes you don't
Peter Paul Almond Joy's got nuts
Mounds don't

Is it on? Okay

1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 6

Let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria

It's got all the others beat

It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm

But my burrito is much too cold

A school cafeteria is the only place

That sells artificially colored mold

[with polka music in the background]

Hi

This is "weird Al" Yankovic fresh off my Alapalooza World Tour

When I'm not busy signing autographs

Fighting off mobs of beautiful women

Making gold albums

And counting my big pile of money

I listen to the Russ Bowe show on Realradio 104.1

Well, I stare at myself in the mirror
When I wake up every morn

And I marvel at how great I've been

Since the day that I was born

I've made so many albums

I've run out of things to name 'em

My

[telephone dialing]

Just eat it, eat it

Get yourself an egg and beat it
Oh, eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Hi

This is Al

But you can call me "Weird", as is "Weird Al"

"Weird Al" Yankovic

I'm not home right now

So feel free to come over and go through my refrigerator

Well, I guess you gotta find my house first

Anyway, like I was saying, I'm not home right now

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only Dr. Demento

Nixon, Ford, and Carter, Reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with Dr. D

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented

Get your program running
Head out to the center
Terminals are waiting
For the data that you'll enter

Everybody says that you're a nerd, but
They should know that you just don't care
Got your Hewlett-Packard on your belt and
Vaseline in your hair

Like a true mommy's child
You were born, born to be mild
When your batteries die
You're always gonna cry
Born to be mild

Wanna whole lotta lunch!

Wanna whole lotta lunch!
Wanna whole lotta lunch!

Wanna whole lotta lunch!

Way down inside!

Woman, you need

LUNCH!

da din din da

da din din da

na tin tin na

da din din da

da din din da

da din din da

na tin tin na

da din din da

dit dit da

terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut

teeta guddygayna da

terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut

teeta guddygayna da

terrigada dit na giggiteeta cut

teeta guddygayna

da din din da

da din din da

na tin tin na

da din din da

boom shakalakalaka

It feels like I've been alone too long
With no girls around, my mind was wondering
Thinking of some way to release it
I looked in the kitchen, saw some Crisco oil
And that's when my blood started to boil, oh oh yeh.

Ouh, Ouh, Ouh, uh-oh
Ouh, Ouh, Ouh, oh god, what did I just do?

No one wanted to be with me
Had to make my dream come true
I wanted to hump something

(To the tune of 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua)

Ken: Hey Barbie
Barbie: Hey ken!
Ken: Wanna go for a ride!
Barbie: Sure Ken.
Ken: Well forget it!

Im an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl,
Sad I have it, I should bag it,
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair,
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation

Ken: You're so ugly you disgust me

Im a blond, lonely girl,

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,

So you got dry rot and your water pressure's weak
Your trash compactor's broke, the roof has sprung a leak
You just found out your toilet's overflowed
And your smoke detector's smoking and your heater's gonna explode
But

I'll repair for you (when the roof starts to fall)
I'll repair for you (all the cracks in your wall)
I'll repair for you (every nail, bolt and screw)

Hi, this is "Weird Al" Yankovic, and I'd just like to take this opportunity to say:

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Hello, this is "Weird Al" Yankovic,

hoping that your new year isn't a torture-filled living hell,

and that you finally decide to do something worthwhile with your miserable,

wretched lives.

Thank you

Hello, this is "Weird Al" Yankovic,

(speaking part)

I like small butts and I cannot lie,
You honkies can't deny,
When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
and a big thing in your face I get
Sick, cuz I like a toothpick
I'll beat that bootie with a stick
Even the jeans she's wearing, her pants they're almost tearing
No, baby I want a flat bootie,
That's tootie fruitie, while honkies tried to warn me