Straight Outta Lynwood lyrics

Don't wanna be a Canadian idiot
Don't wanna be some beer swillin' hockey nut
And do I look like some frostbitten hose-head?
I never learned my alphabet from A to Zed

They all live on donuts and moose meat
And they leave the house without packin' heat
Never even bring their guns to the mall
And you know what else is too funny?
Their stupid Monopoly money
Can't take 'em seriously at all

Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more
secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slip my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you about the skank that I was cheating with,
then I mentioned she's having my kid
That's not all, now I recall more you see

I know that you
Don't know me very well
We've barely met
But I can surely tell
No one will ever
Love you like I do

I like to feel
The warm spot on your chair
Sometimes I drool
And usually I stare
My precious one
I saved that gum
That you threw in the garbage

You're the one I dream about
But the only question with me now
Is "Do I creep you out?"
Everytime I shake your hand now

Once in a while
Maybe you will feel the urge.
To break into national copyright law
By downloading mp3s
From file sharing sites
Like morphous or grogster or limewire or kazza.
But deep in your Heart.
You know the guilt would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
Cause you start out stealing songs
Then youre robbing liquor stores
And selling Crack

I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas
And I got fat!

I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave
To dry off my cat

Huh, I sued Earthlink
'Cause I called them up
N' they had the nerve to put me on hold

I sued Starbucks
'Cause I spilled a Frappucino in my lap
And brrr, it was cold!

I sued Toys'R'Us
'Cause I swallowed a Nerf ball

Oooh oooh oooh ee-oooh oooh oooh
Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh-oooh oooh
Oooooh

I'm always thinkin' 'bout it
I don't know what I'd do without it
I love, I really love
My pancreas

My spleen just doesn't matter
Don't really care about my bladder
But I don't leave home without
My pancreas

My pancreas is always
There for me
Ahh-oooh

Secreting those enzymes (bap bap bap)

[Chicken Dance]

Let's get it started (ha)
Let's get it started in here
Let's get it started (ha)
Let's get it started in here
Let's get it started (ha)
Let's get it started in here

And the base keeps runnin' runnin'
And runnin' runnin'
And runnin' runnin'
And runnin' runnin'

I say don't you know
You say you don't go
I say... take me out!

I say you don't show

Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin somethin' stupid on TV
I'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me

She says "Is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?"
And I say "I don't know.
Say, it's gettin' late...watcha wanna do for dinner?

She says "I kinda had a big lunch.
So I'm not super hungry."
I said "Well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
Really wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get any mail with the subject, 'stinky cheese'
Better no go taking your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate your documents into Swahili
Make your TV record "Gigli"

Faces filled with joy and cheer
What a magical time of year
Howdy Ho! It's Weasel Stomping Day

Put your Viking helmet on
Spread that mayonaisse on the lawn
Don't you know it's Weasel Stomping Day

All the little girls and boys
Love that wonderful crunching noise
You'll know what this day's about
When you stomp a weasel's guts right out

So, come along and have a laugh

[Chorus]:
They see me mowin', my front lawn
I know they're all thinkin' I'm so White N' Nerdy
Think I'm just too White N' Nerdy
Think I'm just too White N' Nerdy
Can't you see I'm White N' Nerdy
Look at me I'm White N' Nerdy

I wanna roll with, the gangsters
But so far they all think I'm too White N' Nerdy
Think I'm just too White N' Nerdy
Think I'm just too White N' Nerdy