The TV Album lyrics

Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Put down your remote control, throw out the TV guide.
Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside.

Don't you know that we control the horizontal,
we control the vertical tube.

We're gonna make a couch potato outta you!
That's what we're going to do! Now,
Don't change the channel,
don't touch that dial!

We got it all on UHF!

Kick off your sneakers,
stick around for a while!

Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV,
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous,
I guess it just wasn't my night.
Art Fleming gave the answers,
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight

I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)
I lost on Jeopardy,
Baby,
(Oooh.)

Well I knew I was in trouble now,

I used to think my life was so empty
I used to think life was passin' me by
Well, I was just about ready
To curl up and die

But then one day I got a visit
From the cable company
Well, they hooked me up and plugged me right in
And now I got cable TV

And now I get to watch the stock report in Korean
Midget wrestling on channel three
It costs me fifty bucks a month just to see 'em

You can watch Mr. Rogers
You can watch Three's Company
And you can turn on Fame or The Nelywed Game
Or The Addams Family

I say, you can watch Barney Miller
And you can watch your MTV
And you can watch 'till your eyes fall out of your head
That'll be OK with me

And you can watch (TV)

You can watch Johnny Carson
You can watch Phil Donahue
And you can use TV Guide to help you decide

Here's Johnny

There he goes, he drives me crazy
When he says...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
That's his job, it's so amazing
All he says is...(Hee-eere's Johnny!)
I never miss a moment when he's on the tube
His being there has made my life worth living
The chills run down my spine
Each time he says that line

"Here's Johnny!" He says, and laughs in his special way

I dated Siamese twins
I slept with Bigfoot, too
Get me on Sally Jesse
Put me on Donahue
'Cause I wanna tell the world about it
Right Now

My dog's a narcoleptic
My mom's a circus freak
I gotta get a spot on
Geraldo's show this week
'Cause I wanna tell the world about it
Right Now

I'm just an anorexic codependant bingo addict
Stripper born without a chin

Hey Lucy, I'm home!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine,
You're so fine you blow my mind.
Hey, Ricky! Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine,
You're so fine you blow my mind.
Hey, Lucy! Hey, Lucy!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine,
You play your bongos all the time.
Hey, Ricky! Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine,
How I love to hear you whine.
Hey, Lucy!

Hey, Ricky!

Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

Risin' above the city, blocking out the noonday sun
It dwarfs the mighty redwoods and it towers over everyone
I still remember when that delivery truck came down our block
What a lucky guy, I hear he got the last one in stock
And the neighbors are just green
They say, "That's the biggest screen we've ever seen!"

It's Frank's 2000" TV (Frank's 2000" TV)

I can't watch this. I can't watch this
I can't watch this. I can't watch this

My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that's no lie
It's about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch

I told you homeboy... I can't watch this

Sometimes I feel
Like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of Bedrock
I'd be a Flinstone
Now I'll tell you why...

Well, I've got I've got a woman named Wilma
Well, I've got I've got a baby named Pebbles
Well, I've got I've got a doggy named Dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino