UHF - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack lyrics

Beverly

Beverly Hillbillies

Huh, now lookie here people
Listen to my story
A little story 'bout a man named Jed
You know something?
That poor mountaineer
They say he barely kept his family fed

Now, let me tell you
One day he was shootin'
Old Jed was shootin' at some food
When all of a sudden right up from the ground, there
Well, there came a bubblin' crude

[Announcer:] Next week on U62...
[Announcer:] He's back
[Announcer:] And this time
[Announcer:] He's mad

[Announcer:] Gandhi II

[Announcer:] No more mister passive resistance
[Announcer:] He's out to kick some butt
[Announcer:] This is one bad mother you don't wanna mess with

[Gandhi :] Don't move, slimeball

[Announcer:] He's a one man recking crew

They showed up on my doorstep just a couple weeks ago
They looked so sweet and harmless
Tell me, how was I to know
They got a little too close to the microwave and then much to my surprise
They grew to forty thousand times their original size
They started mutatin' right before my eyes
Oh my

Attack of the radioactive hamsters from a planet near Mars
A race from a distant place

Met this fine young thing at the local Circle K.
She made a date for a half past eight
And I said, what the hey
So I journeyed to her crib, and I let myself inside
That chick was slouched down on the couch
I think her brain was fried
Couldn't figure it out
She wouldn't even look at me
Then I saw her eyes, she was hypnotized
Cold glued to her TV.
Said, what's your problem, baby doll

If I could stick my hand in my heart
Spill it all over the stage
Would it satisfy you
Would it slide on by you
Would you think the boy is strange
Ain't it stra-a-ange

If I could win
If I could sing
A love song so divine
Would it be enough for your cheating heart
If I broke down and cried
If I cri-i-ied
I said, "Ah no, It's only rock 'n' roll
But I like it

Put down your remote control, throw out the TV guide.
Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside.

Don't you know that we control the horizontal,
we control the vertical tube.

We're gonna make a couch potato outta you!
That's what we're going to do! Now,
Don't change the channel,
don't touch that dial!

We got it all on UHF!

Kick off your sneakers,
stick around for a while!

Let me be your hog
Let me be your hog, now (snort, snort)
I said baby baby baby baby baby
Baby baby baby baby baby baby

Where'd you learn how to steer
You do eighty in second gear
When you drive, I can't relax
Got your license from Cracker Jacks
You just hit another tree
These fender benders are killin' me

She drives like crazy
Like noone else
She drives like crazy
And I'm afraid for myself

They'll put you behind bars
We're not playin' bumper cars
Did a great figure eight

I woke up this morning
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this morning
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kind of feelin' like
I got broken glass in my underwear
And a herd of wild pigs is trying to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'

Well I ain't got not money
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey

There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs
Spatula City
Spatula City

A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion.
Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color.
And because we eliminate the middle man
We can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you
Where do you go if you want to buy
Name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?
Spatula City

This is an instrumental song. There are no lyrics.

Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy)
Spam in my lunchbox at work. (it's the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwich, any way you slice it at all.

If you're running low, go to the store.
Carry some money to help you buy more.
The tab is there to open the can.
The can is there to hold in the spam.

Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming
After working all year down at Big Roy's Heating And Plumbing
So one night when my family the I were gathered 'round the dinner table
I said, "Kids, if you could go anywhere in this great big world, now
Where'd you like to go ta"
They said, "Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota"