He's a serious mister
Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm.
With Monopoly money
We'll be buying the funny farm.

So I'll do flips, and get paid in chips
From a diamond as big as the Ritz--
Then I'm calling it quits.
(Calling it quits)

Eyes the color of candy,
Lies to cover the handicap.
Though your slippers are ruby,
You'll be led to the booby trap.

And there's no prize,

They're all still on their honeymoon
just read the dialogue balloon
everyone loves you--
why should they not?
And I'm the only one who knows
that Disneyland's about to close
I don't suppose you'd give it a shot
knowing all that you've got

Are cigarettes and Red Vines
just close your eyes, 'cause, baby--
you never do know
and I'll be on the sidelines,
with my hands tied,

Now that I've met you
would you object to
never seeing each other again
cause I can't afford to
climb aboard you
no one's got that much ego to spend

So don't work your stuff
because I've got troubles enough
no, don't pick on me
when one act of kindness could be
deathly
deathly
deathly
definitely

Cause I'm just a problem
for you to solve and

Finals blew, I barely knew
My graduation speech
And with college out of reach
If I don't find a job
It's down to Dad and Myrtle Beach

Chorus 1:
So I'm bailing this town
Or tearing it down
Or probably more like hanging around
Hanging around

Verse 2:
Everyone I know is acting weird
Or way too cool
They hang out by the pool
So I just read a lot and rode my bike

I can't do it
I can't conceive
You're everything you're
Trying to make me believe

'Cause this show is
Too well designed
Too well to be held
With only me in mind

Chorus:
And how - how am I different?
How - how am I different?
How - how am I different?

Verse 2:

I can't do it
So move along
Do you really want to wait until I
Prove you wrong?
And don't tell me -

So maybe I wasn't
that good a friend
but you were one of us
and I will wonder
just like anyone
if there was something
else I could've done

So maybe it's true that
your cry for help
was oh, so very faint
but still I heard
and knew something was wrong
just nothing you could put your finger on
and I will wonder
just like anyone
just like anyone

Once upon a time is how it always goes
but I'll make it brief
what was started out with such excitement
now I'd gladly end end with relief
in what now has become a familiar motif:

That nothing is good enough
for people like you
who have to have someone take the fall
and something to sabotage--
determined to lose it all

Critics at their worst could never criticize

Let's assume you were right
and play the game of charm and strange
and satellite
and when we've all had our fun
deflate the stars
and put away the sun
and so we can call it a day

Cause I'll never prove that my motives were pure
so let's remove any question of cure
cause even though you've made it pretty obscure
baby, it's clear, from here--
you're losing your atmosphere

Oh, Susan, you were clued in
you knew just how this thing would go
a prognosis that was hopeless
from the very first domino
I guess I see it all in hindsight
I tried to keep perspective despite
the flash of the fuse, the smell of cordite

Now I'm in that place again
and I know he can't come in to get me
and someday he will live to regret me
Susan, I can see it now

You stay the night at his house
with no ride to work
and I'm the one who tells you
he's another jerk
but you're the one who can succeed
you've only got to prove your need--
and you do
you really do

The sex you're trading up for
what you hope is love
is just another thing that
he'll be careless of
but though there are caveats galore
you've only got to love him more--
and you do

There's no charity in you
and that surprises me
I guess I thought you were a golden idol
cause I called you majesty
on the balustrade
you watched me hunt for tips I was obliged to pick up
from the passing trade

Hey, kids--look at this
it's the fall of the world's own optimist
I could get back up if you insist
but you'll have to ask politely
cause the eggshells I've been treading

At least you know
you were taken by a pro
I know just how you feel
She talked a perfect game
deflecting all the blame
you took the jack
and changed the flat
and got behind the wheel--
now you're
Driving sideways
taken in by the scenery
as you're propelled along
And your companion
will not help you to navigate
for fear she may be wrong

And you will say
that you're making headway