How To Handle A Woman lyrics

ARTHUR:

Blast you, Merlin! This is all YOUR fault!

You swore that you had taught me everything from A to Z

With nary an omission in between
Well, I shall tell you what
You obviously forgot
That's how a ruler rules a....queen!

And what of teaching me by turning me to animal and bird?
From beaver to the smallest bobolink

I should have had the whirl
To change into a girl
To learn the way the creatures think!

But wasn't there a night
On a summer, long gone by
We passed a couple wrangling away
And did I not say "Merlin, what if that chap were I?"

And did he not give counsel and say...
What was it now? My mind's a wall

Oh, yes, by jove...now I recall

"How to handle a woman?

There's a way," said the wise old man,

"A way known by ev'ry woman

Since the whole rigmarole began."

"Do I flatter her?" I begged him answer.

"Do I threaten or cajole or plead?

Do I brood or play the gay romancer?"

Said he, smiling: "No indeed.

How to handle a woman?

Mark me well, I will tell you, sir:

The way to handle a woman

Is to love her...simply love her...

Merely love her...love her...love her."